“There’s a hunger in my hands / I try to rub it into your body”
Bill Callahan, “Came Blue”. Good first dance at a wedding for a doomed marriage.

“There’s a hunger in my hands / I try to rub it into your body”
Bill Callahan, “Came Blue”. Good first dance at a wedding for a doomed marriage.

Don’t believe I have ever seen this video. It came out in 2005, which was a weird in-between time for videos—they were pretty much gone from television but YouTube wasn’t quite a thing. So I’m not sure where the money for something like this would have come from and how they were hoping it would promote the record. But it stars Chloë Sevigny and Bill Callahan actually “acts.”
For the past 9 months or so, I’d call this, “Sycamore”, by Bill Callahan, my “favorite song.” The idea of a favorite song is pretty dumb, but hey, I’m never as excited to hear anything else, so I guess this is it. Thing about this song is that it’s useful to me. Makes morning commutes better. Makes me believe good things could happen. So far, it’s been right. This version was apparently recorded at the First Presbyterian Church in Austin, back when Joanna Newsom was playing keyboards w/ Callahan live. Seeing this got me excited for the people who will see Fiona Apple in this space when she plays Pitchfork’s SXSW event. I like that he got to sing “Christian, if you see your poppa, tell him I love him” in a church.
Been listening to the LP version of this a lot this week on the subway in my new town. “No matter how far wrong you’ve gone/ You can always turn around” is a line that could save a life. I hope it’s true. Guess more people probably know Gil Scott-Heron’s version at this point—they are equally great in my mind.
“and the rain washes the price off of our windshield”
2003 Grammy Nominee for Best Bottle Rocket Performance, Vocal or Instrumental
If…
If you…
If you could…
If you could only…
If you could only stop…
If you could only stop your…
If you could only stop your heart…
If you could only stop your heart beat…
If you could only stop your heart beat for…
If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart…
If you could only stop your heart beat for one heart beat.
“Whenever I get dressed up/ I feel like an ex-con trying to make good.”
The first time I heard the opening line to Smog’s “Ex-con” I had an almost frightening sense of recognition. You know that thing where you’ve had a feeling you’ve never given words to, and then when someone else articulates it perfectly, you almost feel like they broke into your mind and stole it? It’s an eerie sensation that is ultimately tremendously exciting because you feel less alone. Well, Bill Callahan does that a lot for me, as did his fellow Drag City songwriter, David Berman of Silver Jews.
And then there’s a great bit here that feels so much more true now than it did in 1997: “Alone in my room, I feel such a warmth for the community/ But out on the streets, I feel like a robot by the river.”
I think the best single place to start is with Knock Knock. It’s got some of his more immediately engaging songs (“Teenage Spaceship”, “Cold Blooded Old Times”, “Held”) and some of his better lyrics, and the sound overall is pretty varied (and beautifully recorded by Jim O’Rourke). Red Apple Falls, just prior, is also very good, but just a bit more stark and abstract and slightly harder to latch onto without being into Callahan already. But once you’ve absorbed Knock Knock, I think you can start moving through his catalog in both directions, earlier and later, and you’ll find a lot to enjoy. He hasn’t really made any bad records. But by the time you start getting into the first few, which are very lo-fi and noisy, it can sometimes seem like a different project entirely.
At this precise moment this is my favorite song in the world. Bill Callahan’s “Sycamore”, from his 2007 album Woke on a Whaleheart. There is good advice here.
He taught me to love in the wild and fight in the gym
When you are improvising in your day-to-day, be guided by love; when it’s time to make your stand, be disciplined and focused. Maybe?
Plus this part makes me think this song is like a prequel to “Teenage Spaceship”:
Sycamore got to grow down to grow up
Young roots hold the soil like baby’s first cup
And when they bend you in two and say
Too green for the fire
When all you want to do is be a part of the fire
All you want to do is be the fire part of fire
Like Sycamore
I have built many fires in my life and while doing so I’ve often bent sticks in half and thought about how they were too green for the fire. But until this song, I never considered the situation from the stick’s point of view. And if I had considered it, I don’t think it would have occurred to me that the stick wanted nothing more than to be “the fire part of fire.” But then, I can remember being green and wanting to burn, so OK. That’s the surface stuff, and there’s more under that.
Plus: that guitar.
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