This is the last scene in the generally-pretty-bad 1982 film The Last American Virgin. The movie is typical teen comedy fare, falling somewhere between Porky’s and Fast Times. It’s mostly about some high school dudes trying to get laid. But the tone is unstable and it has some weirdly dark elements. The story centers around the friendship of two guys, one of whom is “cool” and good looking and the other of whom is kind of geeky but “nice.” At one point, they both find themselves interested in a pretty girl who just transferred to their school. The Cool Guy has sex with her and impregnates her and, after that, he wants nothing to do with her. The Nice Guy goes to her, wants to help, and then sells his possessions and borrows money in order to pay for her to have an abortion. She has the abortion, it is traumatic, but he helps her through it. And after a short time, there is a hint that she is now interested in him as boyfriend material. So she invites him to her 18th birthday, and him showing up to this party begins the final scene of the film. In his hand, he has a locket that he bought her as a gift.
Guess I should say “spoiler alert” here, but I really doubt that you want to see this movie.
So Nice Guy shows up, is looking for her, and then he goes into the kitchen, where he finds what he thought was his new girlfriend making out with the Cool Guy, who slept with her and then abandoned her after she discovered she was pregnant. And Nice Guy is devastated. And he drives into the night, crying. James Ingram’s “Just Once” is on the radio. The credits roll.
I saw this movie on HBO when I was around 13. I was lonely and had no confidence and I took it as an article of faith that no girl would ever be interested in me. At that time, if I were to sit down and think about why anyone would want to go on a date with me, the only answer I could possibly come up with is that I was a “nice guy.” And I knew, even then, that being a nice guy carried little weight. So when I saw this movie at age 13, you had better believe that when the credits came I thought “Yes, this is exactly what life really is. Here on the screen is the perfect articulation of why people like me are doomed.” So I could wallow in this self-pitying fantasy. The comfort in being sad. Nothing to be proud of, but hey—I was just hitting puberty.
More recently, I learned that there is a minor area of study in feminist theory called Nice Guy Syndrome. As far as I can tell, and I haven’t done a lot of research here, since this is just a Tumblr post, this entire idea has to do with Nice Guys feeling like women owe them something for being Nice. Seems closely connected to the ending of this movie. And it basically reduces the emotional exchange between partners in a prospective relationship to something purely transactional. I do this, I get this, basically. And obviously, yes, this idea that Nice Guys are owed anything is bunk. A passive-aggressive way of denying humanity. But it’s complicated.
For me, there is still something, deep down, some kind of shameful imprinting, that, as a dude who grew up seeing his own desires and insecurities reflected back to him in movies like this, looks for the kind of perceived injustice that this film ham-handedly presents during its final scene. I am aware of it, I know it’s off-base, presents a wrong-headed version of the world, but it’s still there, just the tiniest bit. Maybe I will never shake it.
I thought of Nice Guy Syndrome when I was listening to the new album by (sorry!) Lana Del Rey. The main character in most of her songs likes the Bad Boys, guys who are terrible for her but she can’t help herself. They have what seem, from the songs, to have few redeemable qualities. But LDR’s narrators find them irresistible.
I could be off here, but I wonder if some of the hostility directed at LDR is a result of the Nice Guy Syndrome on display here in this final scene. That a lot of men get particularly upset by the idea of women making what seem to them to be bad choices, which choices also happen to not include them. And maybe, maybe it’s what Liz Phair was railing against today, as confused as I found her piece (sorry, but “If she’s pissing everyone off she must be doing something right” is a Newt Gingrich line.)
“I would argue that the uncomfortable feelings she elicits are simply the by-product of watching a woman wanting and taking like a man,” Phair said.
Is that connected to this idea?
Also very much enjoyed the exchange between Marc, Kasia, and Judy.
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